"When the wind of chaos shakes your trees branches, always remember your roots".....drunk AF quotes from meeeeeeeeeeeeeee


...2017 GOALS...that and FUCK IT UP in PARIS FRANCE LOLZZZ and maybe Japan and kick it and hand out my art brain farts...we will see...no regrets...and no fucking promises......2016 can eat a bag of dicks!!!!!

Alriiiight here's some shit coming from my deeply mournful heartbroken abyss of my hole in my heart...brace yourself for the FUCKED UP just saying avert your eyes form this somewhat drunkin' AMERICAN/IRISH/RUSSIAN/GERMAN BITCH post...It is about CANCER fuck this disease in ALL OF IT'S FORMS....it's robbed me of my mother to where it HAS left a literal/proverbial HOLE in my HEART...and others...but it seems as evil self inflicted disease as it sometimes seems(due to it's genetic mal formation of our own cells that attack our our body bits)...it is of all of it's holistic EVIL as it is  SELF INFLICTED...weather it be to much smoking...to much red meat...to much perfume/body wash in the vajayjay(site lawsuit of Shower to shower lawsuit of the use of shower to shower use in the vaj area).

PRETTY FUCKED UP SO MANY levels...like I envy people with their old infirm somewhat disabled mothers in wheelchairs type of shit... like why can't my my mom be wheeled around in a wheelchair type of shit FUCK THEM...it is painful my mother laid in her FUCKING death bed with her torso full of SEVEN FUCKING cancerous tumors...left behind because the original surgery left "LEAKAGE" when they surgically removed the original tumor...her cancer was so new it sent out a liquid/gel form then form the "cloud" that is the tumor that could not be treated by ANYTHING not radiation...not chemo because it was way to FAST...(picture heart breaking/exploding in my chest right now)...to the point when me and me and my brothers had to deal with the burial of my mother's body we wanted to take the amount of tumors out...JUST SOOOOOOO FUCKED UP!!!!!!


There is a but...a BIG old but to this.......


I watched Requiem for the american dream and I'm seriously thinking to myself the level the rich V. poor level the playing field type of shit is that fucking cunt CANCER and in it's many forms...I mean shit not even one of the founders of Apple computers couldn't defeat this BITCH that is cancer he's the richest fucker out there (oh I know beyond the papers BITCH!!!)....I mean what the fuck chances do we Proletariat and my mom have against it...maybe this is the disease that brings every class ranking to it's knees?  Now that the richey riches are affected? Will there be a fierce strive to actually identify it and all it's fucked up forms? And cure it? I've seen stories of "billionaires" making financial pledges to eradicate this disease...just seems bullshit...I've read stories of money makers losing their mother of their children...I mean what the fuck kind of chance did my mother have if these ingenuousness of businesses couldn't figure it out..... #FUCKCANCER for real on every money level... #RIPmom....OH yeah fuck you on mother's day! :)

August 2013...hope at that time....

October 2013...all is lost...RIP.... FUCK CANCER!!!

Listening to MIA into the New Year while I type this...don't set dumb ass goals because pop culture told you to...the most simple things can reveal the greatest results towards your happiness and really that's all you want is true CHILL happiness...whether it's the memories of beloved person that is no longer with you... to just chill...and the simple task of enriching your current mind set by learning something new...it's just how you and your's roll that's the resolution...the simple but profound...not the grandiose and pretentious...just saying HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!!!! 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh making my plush stuffs is relaxing and fun...I do it because I like doing it...not to make money...or be famous...just really like coming up with funky characters...and it's the quickest way to make my sketches three dimensional...and it's pretty cool to see grown folks grab one of my creations and you see it in their eyes like they are kids again :0)

Yeah I don't usually promote or advertise things on here...there is a but to this...Spoonflower this is a company that you can order custom printed fabric...it's amazerful...you make your own graphic/artwork/pattern and upload it...pick a type of fabric to print on...they use huge industrial printers exactly made for printing fabric...I ordered some fabric with some flies and a spider... pretty cool stuffs pics below...

OK this is my I apologize for my foul language on my blog....this is my place to say random things and participate in my free speech with a lil' crazy sprinkled in...a number of these posts are not really ready for all to read...and I accept that...I am no Voltaire...or Mother Teresa...again sorry aboot that ahead of time.

But if you want a good laugh or wtf then you have come to the right place...this is where I let my hair down and throw in a F' bomb here and there....it is the pursuit of the masculine and feminine duality that I aspire to achieve...with some BS thrown in for affect (in reference to the previous sentence).

So sit back and enjoy the ride. ;0)



I like to garden...

Lost my Mom and lost my mind...a little bit anyway...and wtf is with the "a brief illness" is it the politically correct term for cancer or heart attack or nicey nice term for dying...don't get that...

Anyways...I feel like a ship that lost it's shore just floating...my home base is no longer there...once annoying phone messages left by her to fix something or a doctor's appointment...now I crave to listen to her voice for these seemingly mundane things...just weird that I won't hear her say "my daughter made that" or the term "daughter" uttered from the lips of the female that made me ever again...and I was still hand making her Mother's Day cards well into my 30's...

Just thinking of her house and her garden...she had some talent for gardening just real pretty things...guess I might of picked up on her green thumb and sewing...always remembered her running around the house when we were little with a dress pattern pinned to her and how she could make her own clothes...she had gone to dress making school and got a job in it making pretty fabulous things...then meeting our Dad and moving stateside to start a family...

And she gave birth to what she had called us her "dinosaurs"....she was 5' 2" and all four of us were 6' and above...the little leprechaun that was my Mom dwarfed by here own kids heh...my friends that I've known since grade school remember her Irish accent and even made the joke about lucky charms leprechaun when they called the house...fun times...

But I feel time and good memories of her will fill that space that she has left since she has "shuffled off this mortal coil" to rejoin her mother and father...hopefully looking down on us beaming with pride when her "dinosaurs" continue to achieve great things...


That would be my three brothers and I to remember her by...and hopefully have a pretty bad ass bar crawl/memorial send off for her back in her home country of Ireland...it's just pretty weird that my youngest brother brought up something that my Mom had said awhile back that once her and Dad died that we only have each other...Family Forever

2013 = AWEsome Year for me Part 2

Yeah pretty good year I have to make two posts about it... :P

Just weird though that I just want to sit at home in my new apartment and relax and coast into the new year...cozy up to a bottle of pink champagne and watch NYE on tv...

But I feel bad about my little brother...he is at an impasse just as I was back in 2012...just feeling so mind fucked, nervous, and hopeless...it sucks...

Sooo I've been letting him know about what I had to do that there is money and career guidance out there...

Oh don't start about the the "hand outs" shit with me...it's a "hand up"...the system we have is self healing takes time and knowledge... and there's nothing else like it in the world...FUCK Canada (except their universal health care we still need that so fuck you)...America is the only place you can fall so hard and break into a million pieces but you can get back up and put yourself back together on your own terms...not a caste system's terms...not a religious zealot's terms...not your king's or queen's terms....not a tribal fucktard terms...YOUR OWN FUCKING TERMS...

Yeah and it's not communism when you help out your fellow countrymen by paying your fucking taxes...go move to Balise or ship yourself to Somalia...both places have a great sewer...and water systems...and paved roads falling out of their asses...that I heard of...and fuck Ayn Rand what ever the fuck her name is...yeah like she isn't preaching commie bullshit *rollseyes*...do you know if atlas dropped the ball in a capitalist system there is a line of hella strong atlas replacements...but according to her the world would end when all you asshats quit and live in some commie shithole in the mountains...so FUCK THAT STUPID BITCH...WTF EVER...

I digress...... ;0)

And the first thing you must kill in your old life is your EGO...nothing fucks you over more than your own damn self...I've done to myself many fucking times with insecurity, shyness, or I'm better than this job bullshit...kill it whether you choke it, hit it in the head with a shovel and stick it in a shallow grave...kill that fucking EGO...and it's fucking retarded friend sensitivity...stuff 'em both in that grave...and piss on 'em...

And don't let some asshole or group of assholes fuck with you...I know ignoring them advice is easier said than done but it works...

The greatest power that I found with the ignoring part you do not give that person or people the power of your reaction...your reaction to them is a mental weakness you gotta be tough...fuck wait and cry at home behind a closed door or in your car...just do not react to them right then and there...

Stare right through them as if they do not exist it's amazing how they bitch up when you do this...reaction=power over you just saying...happened to me in my machinist class/training...had issues but came back in and didn't quit my training...believe me it was tough as hell in that training not for the meek that is for sure...but it helps you prepare for life LOLZZZ

Soooo blah-blah...still like making art...the art/craft is what soothes my soul...and creates dialogue...like making a Ranger my little pony that had people talking and revisiting their youth...nostalgia heals believe me ;0)

Ta-ta fer now....


          >>> LIVE IN WITHIN <<<
(as in don't freak out about outside BS...find inner strength)
         >> AND BREATHE OFTEN <<<
(oxygen is the best cerebral/blood pressure reliver blast of awesomness you can do for yourself)

2013 = AWEsome Year for me Part 1

WOW haven't posted for awhile...been on a pretty AWEsome upswing in my life...got an kickass job...moved out of my family's house...and into my own place...all happened between August and now...heh heh...just pretty cool...when I'm out driving around in my new town I still can't believe it's my life right now after going through so much shit since 2005 till now...and those that are close to me know exactly what I went through *points at my buddy Joy* ;0)

But looking at it from Christmas of last year compared till now is just WOW...

Christmas 2012....sucked for me last year personally and professionally...I have a college degree in Industrial Design and all :( ....well I "Design" my own toys so yeah I'm designing so fuck you HATERZZZZ \n|m

The fact was I had no profession just random temp jobs which sucked a big one nothing like been worked into an early retirement because you make half of what their salaried/permanent employees make....then be threatened with "I'll just call the temp agency for a replacement" for being a minute late....pretty fucked way to make a buck...but there is a light at the end of the shittier than shit temp/slave/fucked in the ass work bitch tunnel...

You can actually sift through shit temp jobs and use it to your advantage...as in you have to see through it....as a temp it's like you get to try on new careers without committing....it's like the one night stand the rest till you find the best...

That's how I found out about being a machinist...but I did get screwed over first...got burned by warehousing...back stabbed by packaging manufacturer...two faced and back stabbed by industrial sewing....then the same by industrial sewing's evil twin industrial embroider...Dbags!!! all of them...but machining was the one...I got the "Damn that's my MAN!!" feeling with this field of expertise...

Yeah it starts out button pushing...but to me it's more fun than that...get to trouble shoot...be a part of the bigger picture...I mean shit my job I have now I make parts for a machine that treats cancer patients...

I mean holy fuck when does anyone else go home and say "yeah I fuckin' machine parts that help kill cancer" no one so fuck you...just kidding...I think about the jobs the assholes got when I went to Pratt NYC...LMAO designing fuckin' suitcases who gives a fuck...useless objects that do not benefit fellow man....HAHAHA...my company makes heart parts that help people LIVE!!!

So yeah I'm doing pretty good now...got to take my family out and buy dinner and presents for them ...got my own place and got back on my feet...feeling reeeeal good in Christmas 2013...

Even entered an actual toy designing  contest that a toy manufacturer had...and working on my own plush line....also making plush toy prototypes for one of my favorite veteran owned and operated company love those guys and girls over there....the cartoon that they make is my favorite EVAR just good stuffs they don't know yet so SHUUSH be quite about it....sooo doing pretty good on all fronts...designing and new career...Loving life ahhhh

PRETTY PICS BELOW....are my tree and special decorations on it this year ;0)...and the bird to me represents being able to fly again...cause my wings and heart where broken for 4 years to long...the love of craft, sewing, and my art help sew it back up :0D

Leonardo da Vinci....IS THE MAN!!!

I waited 2 hours in line at the MET to see this guy's sketch book back when I was in NYC...Amazing...the guy knew his shit...and I love the fact he pissed off all the fuckin' bible beaters back in the day...and ol' Leo did write backwards as a way to hide his ideas from assholes that steal shit...kind of like those fuckin' pattent squatters in China...Canal street fake bag makin' bitches...

Yeah cause nothing says lets hold back the evolution of man than some no talent asshat trying to keep irrelevant ass spuge, brainfarts, bullshit relevant...I understand the pursuit of spirituality and all but when it inhibits the progression of someone's happines and genius FUCK THAT!!

By the way I love that fucking new pope...like I'd have his outside babies type of love...“If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?” Francis told reporters.

Anyway I digress or some shit...this guy Leo was balls deep in dead bodies for the pursuit of everything AWEsome about human anatomy no one since has been able to replicate what he has done...he had such a profound insight to what the human body looked like on the inside...and his obsession with the horse anatomy was even more amazing...and the way he used this info to design and construct mechanical objects was pretty cool...yeah who gives a fuck if they didn't realy work his sketches provided the springboard to something greater than himself...pretty pics below...

Memorial day is upon us a day of remberance for us, but for the Gold Star Mom's out there an empty chair for the rest of their lives. No parent ever wants to out live their kid.

So while your fat ass is chuggin' down beers and loaded with salt shitbag brats....just be thankful for that Mom's sacrafice........



CAUSE FREEDOM AIN'T FREE

 


Sooooooooo I'm training to be a CNC machinist....

(Commence lesbo/dyke/wanna be a man comments please because it shows off your love for yer "on the side" boyfriend's weiner being put into your chocolate starfish on a daily basis while you eat society's/pop culture shit sandwitch on how men should get married have kids and not cry...ever...and just be dbags to anyone who thinks for themselves/ or diffrently than you.)

The training is not for the meek that is for sure LADIES...so if you believe in rainbows, unicorns, and wear pink all the time be ready for some good ol' fashion hazing my fellow females...I like wearing pink cause any show of femininity just seems to piss them off even more...It's like Jane Goodall in "Gorillas in the mist" type of shit...like you just pissed on their territory or some shit lol...I got accused of using my sexuality to manipulate people(fancy talk for whore) by some recovering acholoic that is now a devote gambler at the Horeshoe casino...yeah not to mention being called "dumb bitch" on a the regular by the same people who crash machines, break $200 indicators...that are to scared even to get on the machines in the first place, and still can't memorize the tools that they will be using on a daily basis on the job...just don't get it...yet they cross their little pork swords while out smoking their cancer sticks and talk shit on me...eh oh well can't win 'em all...fuck 'em.

Anyways...

Got to use the lovely machine above it is a CNC lathe and it is the AWEsome! I have a healthy respect for this machine...not gonna lie I'm slightly turned on by it...never wear your hair down or even in a ponytail cause the lathe will get ya ladies...in a bun all the time with this widow maker.

It makes pretty cool items though and it does all the work for you just push the button...I mean you have to program it ahead of time but that's in another class.  But it is still a pretty cool process the fact that you can take bar/cylindrical stock steel and comes out to be this polished highly accurate valve for bottling up Coke 2 litters is pretty cool...to me anyway cause I'm a nerd.  It only makes symmetric items...fancier multi axis machines make asymmetric things. Whatever it makes I get to set it up to make the whatchmacallits and check them for accuracy...all while making some good money while doing it...hopefully.


This pic below is a HAAS 3 axis CNC milling machine...I  get to work with this one on a daily basis at my day job already(in just put in part push a button capacity)...it's pretty cool seeing it preform it's tasks like machining a mold that belongs to a part that stamps seat mount parts out for Harley Davidson bikes as well as little Harley emblem plates...just pretty cool...and on some days carves out the edges to Vita Mix blades...mundane to some...absolutley fasinating to me ...like you are part of the whole you know...as in the part that I machine today is on someone's Harley bike later. (I totally get shit for this in my class which is fine to me I guess hateful unmotivated people like spewing toixic stuff all the time...eh not my problem...even though my intrest in the mundane was noticed by the company owner attatched to the school ;0) LOLZ

I guess if you are into the mundane and repitition than Machining is perfect for you, but if you want to become a movie star, or hateful recovering acholoic that is now a devote gambler, wanna be genius, or know it all seen it all type of ASSHOLE than clearly Machining isn't for you...usally those type of guys fuck up machines...make bad parts...and really piss off the engineers and bosses that they work for...(but there should be a healthy hatefest for engineers...keeps it intresting...and if you are a good machinist you usally fix their shitty "works in therory" mistakes and bring back balance to the force that is manufacturing).

And to the LADIES out there if you don't want to be a nurse, teacher, social worker, or house wife...and you are into working with your hands...and like reading blueprints...and shop math...and on rare occasions busting an engineers balls/or ovaries...then fuck yeah this is for you...less schooling...it's a trade...and I feel it's worth it...grit will get you through it...and if you want to evolve/futher your career/life....Machinists make waaaaaaaaaaaay better Engineers as I was told by a ol' timer with 27 years experience ;0)

This field has more old folks than a nursing home...with that said it's gonna need alot of people reeeeal soon....and it pays like a nurse's salary without all the blood and body fluids...unless your a moron that doesn't watch what you are doing...these are MACHINES they can hurt you if you don't pay attention and respect them.

TATA fer now

WATCH THE SEXAY BELOW...making things turns me on...har-har!!!
The fact is that you are carving various types of metals with these processes just really is the coolest thing evar...I mean shit carving marble/stone takes forever...you are carving STEEL that takes 20 minutes so fucking sexay just sayin'!!!

You have to watch this video on this 5 axis mill/lathe below it will blow yer mind!!!

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_qHR_H_2cg&feature=player_embedded